I've been looking a lot at life, and I've seen, My mind and soul are strong, but they hurt, and they've no idea where they're going. It's not so much stressful, its just...Its itchy. It's like those times when you're waiting for something that is most likely not supposed to work out, but it's come so close to becoming reality. then in those final moments, your skin gets hot, you smile in anxious excitement, your eyes widen and water. then in the last final moment before you defy the laws of life, its a moment of extreme relief, your heart is in your throat and all you can do is yell out of excitement. Sometimes words don't even come to mind. Thats what the past two weeks have been for me. It gets exhausting.

My body hurts. I tried to jump over a mound of ice last night. Then my feet tried to hang out with my ears. I jammed my shoulder in the process.


I'm falling in love again with Folk music.

I am a man of constant sorrow
I've seen trouble all my days
I'll say goodbye to Colorado
Where I was born and partly raised.

Your mother says I'm a stranger
My face you'll never see no more
But there's one promise, darling:
I'll see you on God's golden shore.

Through this open world I'm about to ramble
Through ice and snows, sleet and rain
I'm about to ride that morning railroad
Perhaps I'll die on that train.

I'm going back to Colorado
The place that I started from
If I had known how bad you'd treat me honey
I never would have come.
Bob Dylan

In my past lives I've been a Sea turtle and a Shaman/Spiritual adviser belonging to an Alaskan tribe.

I have dreams of wandering away from my tribe through the snow, but when I wake up it feels more like memories. I have a very shamanistic outlook on life. In this tribe, i was banished for an abstract thought, I'm not sure what thought it was that lead me to be banished.

I dream of swimming, not like a fish/dolphin or a human would, but more like gliding. My Aura is green, and I have an odd obsession with keeping everything I'll need to survive in my backpack, I keep my home with me, like a turtle. I'm a wanderer. I don't sit still for anything.

I'm sure I've had a few other lives, besides these two but these stand out more than the rest. :]

So yesterday after I posted the entry i went back home, and got ready for work. My mother in law was so upset telling us that life is kicking her int he gut, almost crying, she kept talking about how horrible life is and how she wishes that no one had to live it. Then I get to work, and this guy I work with was so upset because when he ordered a cheeseburger minus the pickles, I jokingly put a pickle under neath the whole thing. He was so hurt by it, he said, "Try to be nice to people and they just shit all over and take advantage of it all" then this other woman I work with spent all morning bitching about people and how fucked up and lazy everyone is. It's hard to handle 'round here. But anyway, this all made me so incredibly sad. Life is not hard, life is not cruel, its down to two simple things, Live and Love, and those two pretty much come second nature to me. It just makes me sad to know that people, my brothers and sisters hurt so much inside that they curse life and get upset over pickles. I pray for them. I really do.

Well, this is my first post. I suppose I should start with a lot of  "who I am" shit. Well, I don't fucking know right now. I'm sure of few things right now. My religion is Love, I'm lonely as hell, I have a pregnant wife, and I work at Burger King.

I go round and round in my mind searching for reason, thats what I do, I find reason in everything, even if i don't like the reason. My mind is like a spiraling fractal. It's spiraling in and out of vortexes and leading of into a duplicate pattern, over and over and over again. My mind is active but still quite stagnant. My wife has no faith in, but I don't give her reason to not have faith. I don't understand her. Life is a trip man.